I met Renee 25 years ago when we were both working as librarians in the Bronx – she at New York Public Library, and I at Jane Addams High School.
Renee had been trained as a book discussion leader, and as part of NYPL’s outreach to schools she came to the neighboring Lehman High School to run an after-school faculty book club.
Luckily for me, I knew Paula, the Lehman HS librarian, and she invited me to join the club.
Renee was a superb, very well-prepared facilitator. She chose great books to discuss and opened each meeting with evocative questions, and then went on to share her insights, and the most wonderful discussions always followed.
One afternoon when the meeting ended Renee, Paula and I went out for a bite together, and that was the beginning of our beautiful friendship.
The book club met for many years at Lehman, and after our staggered retirements, we decided to continue meeting in each others’ homes, and Renee offered to continue as our discussion leader. We asked other friends to join, and I’m happy to say after all these years our book club is still going strong.
(Our book club on City Island, I took the photo. Back row: Raina, Karlan, Judy, Marlene, Helen. Front row: Renee, Paula)
Renee and I were also part of a group of good friends who took turns hosting each other at dinner every few months. One July when it happened to be Renee’s turn to host, she invited the whole dinner group to her country house in Monterey in the Berkshires.
Over the years that Monterey weekend at Renee’s became a cherished summer tradition. The men would carry Renee’s two picnic tables down the hill beside her house and set them up under the trees with the rest of us at their heels carrying the food and the (many) bottles of wine.
And when we weren’t feasting, some of us would head for Garfield Lake with towels and beach chairs, or drive to town to shop, some of the men would usually be watching sports on TV, someone was usually napping on the couch, one very rainy weekend a few of us intrepid souls drove to Lenox for an unforgettable Roz Chaste exhibit at the Norman Rockwell Museum, and there were always some of us raiding the fridge, and talking books or politics at Renee’s kitchen table.
And we’d usually spend an evening picnicking under the stars and enjoying the music at Tanglewood. During many summers we saw Garrison Keillor airing his radio show Prairie Home Companion live from the Koussevitzky Shed. What his radio listeners couldn’t know was that after the show Keillor would come out on the lawn as the band played on, and thousands of us would dance on the grass and sing along. I remember doing the lindy with Renee on that great Tanglewood lawn.
Then one day Renee called with the devastating news that she’d been diagnosed with cancer. Her family and friends rallied to her support, she traveled abroad with her daughters, and then as long as she was able, she continued to pursue all her Berkshire passions – tending her beautiful garden, volunteering at Shakespeare & Co., cooking and baking, attending Tanglewood concerts, modern dance at Jacob’s Pillow, and lectures and readings at The Mount.
And when she became housebound under the care of a compassionate hospice team, she continued to welcome friends’ visits. Then, five years after her diagnosis, Renee died in the Monterey house she always called her Happy Place.
Renee had been an excellent cook, and I on the other hand was never a confident one, and so I was especially pleased once when she praised a dish of mine. It was a stuffed pepper recipe I’d gotten from my Hungarian mother-in-law and I had worked hard to master it. Renee called it comfort food.
Rest in peace Renee, your memory is a comfort.
Dana Susan Lehrman
My mom so loved and cherished her book groups and adored your Monterey gatherings. Thank you so much for writing this.
Love, Julie
Thanx Julie, we all miss her so.
❤️
A beautiful tribute to our much missed friend.
Thanx Karlan, she’s indeed much missed
❤️
Thanks so much for this beautiful memory. I was only at her happy place at the end of her wonderful life but I cherish that time. I can'[t help wishing I had been able to have more time with Renee. But this essay extends the time I did have.
Thanx Judy, our circle will be ever diminished.
❤️
A very warm & sad story
Thanx Artie, we’re all losing too many good friends.
Long beautiful friendship. I read this smiling at the familiar places and, at the same time, a little choked up. It’s so hard to lose a person dear to you.
Joanie
Thanx Joanie, my friend Renee was happiest in the Berkshires and we loved visiting her there.
She died way too soon.
Such a beautiful story. She was an amazing woman, and you are so lucky to have had her as a good friend. My condolences.
Thanx for your kind thoughts Vivian. ❤️
What a way with words – they touch my heart. Thank you for sharing them with us.
Thanx Maxine. ❤️
I am so glad you wrote this lovely piece about Renee. Thank you.
Thanx P, and thanx for welcoming me to that Lehman HS book club those many years ago.
A lovely tribute to the joy of friendships that weathers good times and bad times. As we age we begin to lose friends. My mom used to check the “deaths” reported in The Times. More than once when growing up I saw tears running down her face and asked her why she was crying. She said “a friend of mine died and I will miss her. We all know we will die one day, but none of us want to be the last one to die” . And I asked why? “because there will be no one to mourn us.” I didn’t know the world “mourn”. But I said” I will mourn you, I will bring you coffee, a martini, and a new novel for you to read to me.” And she said, “No child. The best way to mourn me is to remember what I taught you when you get older and leave this house to live your life without me.” And what she taught me was this: “Never lie. Never cheat. Never say things that are hurtful, and always be kind to others.”
Thanx Angela, we are losing too many good friends, and your mom was wise!
I always look forward to your posts Dana, and your blog is the only one I read. So full of heart…I have had a timeshare in the Berkshires for many years and that area is so close to my heart…
Thanx Denise!
Yes the Berkshires are wonderful. Renee lived in Westchester and week-ended in the Berkshires for years, but when she got sick she was determined to stay in Monterey in home hospice which she did. We last visited her there a few weeks before she died – way too soon!
Nicely written, Dana.
Thanx Carole.
See you in the spring!
A meaningful tribute to a special friend who had an impact on your life.
Thanx Lynn, indeed she did.
Anais Nin wrote, “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” This beautiful piece reminds us the simple, even momentary, act of remembrance replenishes the source: it keeps loved ones alive.
Thanx Mike for the beautiful thought.
She was such a wonderful friend, so vital, so missed!