Sunburn

My fair-skinned husband is prone to sunburn so after putting the convertible top down,  he rubbed sunscreen on his face.  Then as he drove I was scrutinizing his profile, as wives in passenger seats are apt to do,   when I noticed a drop of something white on his shirt collar.

At the coffeeshop he’d complained there was too much mayo in his egg salad,   and so I assumed a bit of that egg salad had somehow gotten on his shirt.

There were no handy tissues so I swiped at the white bit with my finger and then put the finger in my mouth.  Of course it wasn’t egg salad but a stray bit of sunscreen and it has bitter!

I grabbed the Coppertone tube and read the dire warning –  FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY,  DO NOT INGEST.

“I’ve just poisoned myself,  we have to go to the hospital so they can pump my stomach!”,   I cried in mounting panic.

“Calm down and call Coppertone.”,  said my level-headed husband. And sure enough beneath the dire warning on the sunscreen tube was a toll-free customer service number,  and so I took out my cell phone and called.

The Coppertone rep listened to my sad tale and asked some pertinent questions – my age and relative health,  what meds I take, and how much suntan lotion I have ingested.

“Not to worry.”,  he said after hearing it was just a dab.

I thanked him and somewhat embarrassed I added,  “I’m sorry if this sounded a little bit crazy,  but believe me I thought it was egg salad!”

“Oh,  I believe you lady”,  he said,  “you can’t make this stuff up.”

I didn’t tell that Coppertone guy,  but in my head I had already written this story.

Dana Susan Lehrman